Andrew Barrett, ENEMIES LIST’s sponsored MMA fighter, is going to be interviewed by the excellent Knuckle Up, part of Combat Music Radio, tomorrow. It’s a podcast, so when it’s available, download it!

http://www.combatmusicradio.com/knuckleup/

Plus, ENEMIES LIST has new shirts available for pre-order. Check them out.

I’ve been thinking about twins. Specifically, twins separated at birth.

We like to think that how we’re raised has a significant impact on who we turn out to be, but that isn’t how it turns out. Twins separated at birth are much more like each other than their adopted families. The twins turn out to be similar in ways we would never expect: politically, artistically, even down to how they brush their teeth or what part of their body they dry first out of the shower. It isn’t where you are, it’s who you are. It’s in your genes. All we are is genes.
This year was awful. Two years ago was awful, last year was great, this year was awful. It feels worse because I’m going from great to awful, but in reality that’s just the universe resetting, restoring the default. The more I think about it, as I have been encouraged to think about it, most of the my years are fucking awful. This is because I am Wired That Way, like a house is wired to have light switches in certain places.

If I had been plucked from my mother’s arms at birth and deposited somewhere else to live out those years I would still have been miserable. I would still be miserable. By extension, if I were to suddenly become everything I most desired I would still be miserable. If I had everything I ever wanted I would still have trouble sleeping, then have trouble waking up, get pits in my stomach, wander around aimlessly, be unable to finish anything, throw money away, waste my life.

I used to use the New Year’s to compare each year to the next to watch for progress and motivate myself, but it’s all pointless. I can try to turn the lights on but I can’t re-wire the house.

This year was worse than most. It can only go up so high, but it can always go lower. That’s an over-riding law of the universe: no matter how bad things are, they can be worse. But it can’t always get better. Better has a ceiling. An upper limit.

If I could go back in time and unlive this year I would do it. Just wipe it off the map.

If I had an identical twin he would feel the same way. Drive his car into a ditch. That would be his genes. Different configurations of genes create different outcomes: happiness, marriage, misery, success, failure. Certain configurations of genes maximize positive outcomes, thereby increasing the likelihood of those genes being passed down, either through increased rate of survival or attractiveness to mating partners. Other configurations of genes have the opposite effect, consigning their owners to oblivion through attrition. Slow gazelle.

I didn’t even notice when the clock ticked over. Fuck 2008 and Fuck 2009.

There is a new Giles Corey song available for download via Last.FM. It is called “Grave Filled With Books.” Please check it out. Thank you.